Other interpretations come to mind. For example, how did the perfect, omniscient entity, the one that Jews and Christians call Yahweh, get into this cosmic pissing match with one of his angels? Heaven is marketed as a perfect place run by the perfect guy. So how does history's biggest moral crime and catastrophe, one from which we are all supposedly still suffering, happen in Heaven, of all places, with one of god's own creations, and right under god's nose?
Of course, if you insist that your god is truly omniscient, you must conclude that he knew this would happen, planned for it to happen, and indeed, wanted it to happen. Don't like the sound of that? Then he is not omniscient nor omnipotent. And he certainly is not all-merciful. And it should be clear that Satan is actually scoring some major damage. All those souls, the ones god says he loves, are really piling up, doomed for all eternity.
It is also a reminder that, according to most Christians, most of us are not going to make it to Heaven. It is not open admission, according to most believers, and only a select few will actually get past St. Peter. He'll have a list you see. Most of them will tell you, sometimes with a sneer, that god will send you or me to hell, for all eternity, according to some, though only for few thousand years, say others, because, well, god is merciful.
Even if you believed god would prevail eventually, Satan is making a good show of himself as he inflicts pain and suffering across the globe. God cannot seem to close the deal on that second coming promise. Satan makes it tough for Yahweh, what with his claims of perfection.
Talk about a Pyrrhic victory.
Now here's the fun part, the stuff they never get to in the sermons. Seems likely that at one time religious doctrine held Yahweh and Satan to be one and the same. Not literally, of course, because neither of them is literally anything; they are concepts, theological conceits. Others suggest that Satan's role had to change so all the obvious suffering in the world could be pinned on him and not Yahweh. If you dig through Christianity's epistemological backroads, you find good evidence not only that Satan has gotten a bad rap (as has Judas), but his identity as the ultimate evil demon, the supernatural bogeyman from whom only Jesus can save you, is an add-on not to be found in the earliest christian documents. The video below gives an idea of the evolution of Satan and how his role and very identity have changed over the centuries to suit theological sensibilities. And they thought we wouldn't notice.
And by all means read Elaine Pagels on the subject, perhaps The Origin of Satan, or her earlier work: Adam, Eve, and the Serpent. You might also try The Birth of Satan: Tracing the Devil's Biblical Roots, by TJ Wray and Gregory Mobley.
Do I need to point out that Christians have no assurance, not within the confines of their cobbled theology, that a similar disaster won't happen again? Lucifer was in Heaven, ferchristsake, and that was not good enough? Someone is going to bitch about this or that, just as Lucifer did, and then what? Another cosmic shit storm?
And for those who find the idea preposterous, remember you are the ones who insist it happened once. Your entire theological identity is tied up with Yahweh's monumental fuck up and Lucifer's fall from grace. Your reward for your devotion to Jesus is a trip to Heaven, where it all started, where you can only hope god has better controls in place the second time around.
